Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
