I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think people are normalizing furries
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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