Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
this hospital has no fireball
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
