this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The uberlube is also flammable
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
