Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
