I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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