So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
