yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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