There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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