He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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