Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Someone signed my nipple.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
