I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
