I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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