and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
