i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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