so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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