but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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