he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
