You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize