Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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