420 ftw
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
