dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
