Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
