Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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