where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
