So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
