Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He better not be in your backpack
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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