I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so let's talk penis.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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