Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
