Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
