Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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