dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
