it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
