I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
