nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
