My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
