yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize