I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
