Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize