I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
