I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
