Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
