i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
