a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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