Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
