good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
