Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
