If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize
