Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
