omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
