never play flip cup with pint glasses
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
