Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
