Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
