Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize