is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize