Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
