Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
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