Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
