Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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