Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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