So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he thought i was a dude.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
