Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
