do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
