Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
cat food counts as protein by the way
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
