gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
