I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
