his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
