He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
