Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
