so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
