she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
