I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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